KC Masta Piece's Guide to Style

Everyone knows that to be cool, you have to be "into your music." What better way to illustrate this than to wear headphones All the time? If you're taking a Shower, you need headphones. Sleeping? Headphones. Flossing? Yep, that's right: Headphones.

Tip #1:

Wear Headphones

EVERYWHERE

You gotta roll with the right crew. Your crew needs to be cool, blingin', and let's not forget diverse, fo' shizzo. Try and include as many ethnic minorities as possible. My crew consists of a token Puerto Rican Jew, Native American, an Indian, and a Mexican.

Tip #2:

Get a Badass Posse

Hats are extremely "hardcore." To find out exactly what is meant by this, let's consult Merriam Webster's Unabridged Dictionary:

hard-core also hard·core (härd

kôr

, -k

)adj.

Dumb;stupid; moronic;shaken as a child;thick-headed;obtuse;dumber than heck;borderline braindead;

Dan's friends all laughed at him hysterically when he claimed he was 'hardcore'; a hard-core golfer.

Headbands:
are a sort of "Rich Man's hat. They offer all the benefits of the hat (namely the hardcore-ishness, the sweat absorbtion, and the fashion statement without the obvious drawback of hat hair). Therefore, headbands fall into this category as well.

Tip #3:

Hats

You gotsta be blingin' on the fuzz fo shizzo, my lintnizzo! Ideally, your leg hair should be dark - REALLY dark as to be more visible from long distances. Leg hair is like pheromones or huge biceps, but better. It is more visible and is a total babe magnet. Most women just take one glance at my leg hair and fall instantly in love with me.

Let's take a moment now to talk about thickness. Your leg hair should be very thick and lush, as well. Like an untamed jungle, it should be difficult for anyone to run his / her hand through your leg hair. Rather, the said person should have to "hack" his / her way through your formidable leg foliage. Try and aim for the 150-200 thread count region (think really fluffy towel).

Bonus Tip: Gorrilla salad-like consistency is a plus

Tip #4:

Leg Hair

Everyone who is Uber or Uber-Uber needs to have a ninja costume. Black ninja costumes are preferable, however a white "KKK" ninja costume, useful for burning "lower case t's" can be used as a backup.

Ninja attacks are useful for striking fear into the hearts of minorities and also getting people to run away from you. They are also a chick magnet, (also see: leg hair). It's sort of like that AC/DC song: Back in Black but with more shurikens and samurai swords.

Tip #5:

Ninjas